A thorough divorce agreement is, in many ways, the last argument you will ever have with your spouse. Aside from the closure this provides, negotiating the entire package at once allows you to define your next chapter and make holistic choices about your life moving forward.
Below are the topics included in a complete divorce agreement. Be prepared to discuss these matters, and take some time to clarify for yourself which areas are more and less important to you. Remember that in mediation you have an active voice in the compromise you reach with your spouse, and negotiating from an empowered place allows you to productively participate in the give and take required to finalize your divorce.
It should be noted that your final agreement will also include boilerplate language and additional standard clauses, like commitments to keeping the best interests of your children at the forefront and not making disparaging comments about each other. Always have your own attorney review your final agreement to be sure it aligns with what was agreed upon in mediation.
Custody
- Parenting time arrangement: the schedule for which parent has the children at which times. This also delineates the time and day of transfers and how those transfers are to be handled. Also referred to as physical custody.
- Decision making arrangement: who has the right to make decisions for the children, also referred to as legal custody.
Holiday & Vacation Schedule
- Yom Tov schedule.
- Legal holiday schedule. Even if you do not generally observe legal holidays, if your children's school has a modified schedule on these days then custody can be defined so it is clear who is responsible for the time that would normally be covered by school. If your children's schedule does not typically change on these days then this can be skipped.
- Summer vacation, which refers to the roughly two weeks between when camp ends and school begins.
- Mid-winter vacation.
Health & Medical
- Health insurance: who holds plans for the child, or who is responsible for keeping Medicaid paperwork up to date.
- General medical care: who handles appointments, prescriptions, and the like.
- Scheduling: getting the children to appointments for any kind of therapy.
Religious Upbringing
- Commitments to maintain the children's current level of observance when with the children. This is helpful to include regardless of whether you and your spouse are on the same level religiously, as it can avoid future disagreements.
Children's Expenses
- Tuition through 12th grade.
- Supplemental education expenses (school supplies, field trips, PA dues, and similar costs).
- Seminary and yeshiva tuition.
- College tuition.
- Extracurricular activity fees.
- Sleep away and day camp tuition.
- Special services costs (OT, PT, speech).
- Childcare costs.
- Monthly phone bill for the children.
Child Support
- Child support: amount, timeline, and method of payment.
- Child support delinquency procedure.
- Whether support obligations change with extended stays by the payor.
- Emancipation of children, the point at which child support is no longer paid.
Alimony
- Alimony: amount, timeframe, and method of payment. Not all agreements include alimony.
Taxes
- Dependency exemptions and credits.
- Head of household status.
Special Events
- Simchas: decision making and planning procedure.
- Simcha expenses and how they are split.
- Dispute resolution regarding simchas.
- Children's birthdays and parties.
- Parents' birthdays.
Debt & Asset Division
- Debt terms: who is responsible for which debts.
- List of debts.
- Asset division.
- Marital home.
- Vehicles.
- Checking and savings accounts.
- Investment accounts.
- Retirement accounts.
- Real estate investments.
- Businesses.
- Rewards points and miles.
- Stocks.
- Crypto.
- Household furnishings.
Relocation & New Partners
- Relocation, including establishing a radius.
- Radius in case of remarriage.
- When and how new partners will be introduced to the children.
Changes & Dispute Resolution
- Modifications: how changes will be made if needed in the future.
- Resolving future disagreements: you can appoint a mediator now to resolve future general disagreements, typically the same mediator who helped with the original agreement.
- For conflicts regarding the children, separate mediators are usually appointed in four different categories:
- Educational disputes, typically the child's principal.
- Religious disputes, typically a family rav or the child's principal.
- General welfare disputes, typically a family rav or the child's principal.
- Medical disputes, typically the child's pediatrician.
Administrative & Miscellaneous
- Pets: custody and expense sharing agreement for family pets.
- Official documents: who keeps them, when they are provided to the other parent, and when they are returned.
- Legal fees when modifying the agreement.
- Life insurance for parents.
Information Tailored to Your Role
Understand your options and take control of the process.